Frequently Asked Questions
and Common Concerns
I have a lot of things that I would like to include in the eulogy but I don't think that I can write it myself. Can you help with this?
One of the reasons I love this job is that I get to spend my time hearing all of your stories about your loved one, and I can get to know them through you and your memories and photos. Once we have spent our first meeting together I will use all of my notes to create a eulogy that I believe reflects their life - not just their experiences but their loves and their personality. I will send this to you and you can make changes, or just give me any feedback to help me improve it until it is exactly as you would like it to be. We can also discuss who will read the eulogy on the day - see the next concern below.
I would like to write the eulogy, but I am worried that I might not feel able to read it on the day
Giving a eulogy is not easy, and it is important not to underestimate how difficult it might feel on the day. No matter how important it is to you, public speaking can cause a lot of stress and anxiety at the best of times, so it is quite possible that you will decide you do not want to add to the stress of the day by putting pressure on yourself to speak. As we prepare for the day I will make sure I have a copy of your words and have familiarised myself with them so that I can speak for you on the day if necessary. And you can decide this at any point - even right at the last minute, with just a little hand gesture to let me know you will stay seated and I will give the eulogy. It is also common practice for the order of service not to include names of speakers, so we can glide through the service as if my speaking your words was always the intention.
When you refer to the person who has died you called them 'your loved one', but my relationship with them was more complicated than that. Can we address this in the service?
Yes, this is not as unusual as you might think. Sometimes people will feel that a glowing eulogy, or even talking of 'love' might be inappropriate, but you would still like a service to mark this person's death. We can discuss what this service will look like for you, and how you would like to include acknowledgment of the complexity of your relationship and of your feelings around their life and death.
My pet died recently, and I would like to do something to mark this. Is that possible?
Yes, absolutely. A ceremony or ritual to celebrate their life and mark their passing is a lovely idea, and your grief is just as valid as anyone else's. It may be that you have their ashes and would like to inter or scatter them somewhere, or perhaps you would just like to gather as a family or other community to remember how much joy your pet brought you. We can explore what this might look like for you and put together an event that feels right.
What is an independent celebrant? Are you a humanist?
I am not a humanist celebrant. Humanist services are entirely non-religious, and you can read more about that here: https://humanists.uk/ceremonies/non-religious-funerals As an independent funeral celebrant, trained by the Academy of Modern Celebrancy, I have much more freedom about what we include in your service. For instance, perhaps you don't want a full religious service, but you would like to include a prayer, some chanting, a hymn, or some other ritual more commonly associated with a religious event. Being independent means that I can include all or none of these to create a service that represents you and your loved ones' wishes and beliefs.
I can't see my question here, and I'm not sure yet if you're the right celebrant for me. Can I still ask you my questions?
Of course! It is very important for both of us that you are making a fully informed decision before you ask me to create and lead an event for you. Please contact me here: